1) Apply for your Statewide Head Injury Program (SHIP). Not all states have one, but it's worth looking into. This is the link for Massachusetts SHIP info.
2) Denied Social Security Disability? Here's an online appeal link.
3) Explore other - sometimes less obvious, less solid, less structured, or less tangible - avenues for support. Whether you have faith, want faith, need faith; whether you believe or you know others that believe in something different, religious, greater than you, or spiritual. Pray, have others pray, or dig a little deeper in yourself.
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Today I received a long awaited letter from the Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission regarding my application to the Statewide Head Injury Program (SHIP).
I have been determined ELIGIBLE!!!!!!
This could potentially lead to a less grueling attempt to participate in vocation rehab - which I so desperately need to begin working again.
Not all state rehab services have a specific head injury program to apply to - but it's worth looking into. I'm also not sure about other countries (such as Canada or New Zealand). This is the link for info on applying for Massachusetts' SHIP.
Even if you aren't found eligible for services, it's important to apply anyway to help create awareness of how, when, etc you were affected by a head injury or concussion. A lot of funding governed towards these programs are allocated based on numbers - and those numbers are probably largely inaccurate for mild brain injuries. It could be your little impact towards better recognition and awareness for this frustrating invisible disability.
Update on My Life
I've been a mess the last few months. Uncharacteristically, last week I had a really great week. However, I am back to experiencing different levels of anxiety, neck/back pain, some depression, and a lot of unknown and uncertainty.
Thank you for checking in on me - for those who have - I'm still alive, just crawling along. I really do appreciate your thoughts and/or your prayers.
Low Energy Neurofeedback System
I know I am still yet to talk about the LENS treatment I've been getting - but I had gotten "too much" neurofeedback about a month ago and it resulted in the most unstable emotional state I've ever been in. Its important that someone who treats you with LENS knows how to go slowly, or to slow it down if you experience a week of instability.
To just touch a little on how bad it was: I cried... no, I weeped and ruminated in a persistent panic attack from the Thursday morning to the following Tuesday afternoon.
I knew it wasn't normal, I knew it wasn't how I think, and I'm fortunate to have been aware enough to know the difference. Needless to say, in that time, I really felt if those feelings would continue until my next weekly appointment, I needed 24 hour observation and a team of qualified mental health professionals to stabilize me. I had called my insurance about inpatient coverage, I had found McClean Psychiatric Hospital and found someone to take me there if I needed, I discussed admission procedures and even discussed with my lawyer, if I were to go what my options would be to cover the expenses. I was completely ready for a two week intensive psychiatric intervention as an inpatient.
There Just HAS to be Something Bigger than Little Me
That Thursday, I went to the book store and bought a book found in the 'Christian' area. For the entire weekend I was finally willing to really devote myself to reading about why 'God' makes people suffer and how 'He' plans to redeem you.
I found a book written by a psychologist that works with adults who were sexually abused as children, Dan B. Allender, PhD. His book, "The Healing Path," was not very preachy - which is exactly what I needed to begin to think about and maybe begin to accept something bigger than me, possibly called "God."
I was baptised both Roman Catholic and also Protestant. I attended a protestant church when I was very young, but my upbringing really didn't stress religion at all. By the time I was attending college, I gave up the fact that the bible would ever influence me. Three or four years ago, I actually flat out denied any faith - if I felt the need to pray, I would deliberately stop myself and say out loud "No, God doesn't exist. Anything I say will be wasted breath."
I can't sit and read the bible. I don't have the patience. I don't understand the language. I need someone to tell me in layman terms. I don't want a ton of (possibly fictional) bible stories as examples; I want real people who believe to tell me why I should believe, how they pray and what he's done for them. I'm a tough critic. But part of it is a readiness to accept a faith and put everything driving me to stress out, hopefully, into someone else's hands. I was so very much at the bottom of the world and ready.
This book was really good for what I personally needed. I am still not religious, or pushing it on anyone, but I am making a conscious effort to believe God has a plan. I am making a conscious effort to pray for Him to love me - for everything I am right now, as I am, despite everything I am incapable of doing right now. This book got me through the week until my next appointment.
Stressed and Overwhelmed
So between getting denied social security, missing the 60 day deadline to appeal the denial, not hearing from SHIP, not getting on a list for vocational rehab services until at least April, not having a dime for April 1st rent and beyond, having to RELEARN six years of pharmacy lingo and thousands of drugs to take my boards March 12 and 19th, and having absolutely NO energy to pull myself together - I'm trying not to freak out. I'm still alive.
One thing at a time. And some things might start to look a little up... but before I count the eggs in my basket, I'm still waiting anxiously for some very critical things to fall into place. Please continue thinking of me and I will try my hardest not to tweak out before jotting down any other things that can help you in your life through your recovery.
If it helps - I'm thinking of you, too.
Posts
3 comments:
oh Ned you poor soul. I really think if we didn't have to stress about the actual living and how to pay for it we could heal...and faster.
The peaks and lows are terrible and it is so hard for anyone else to know just how terrible they are.
I am really interested in your neuro therapy for I have had a brain map but have no money for the therapy.
I do find the acupunture and the craniasacrial therapy and massage from my massage guy helps the pain, energy and feeling more balanced.
try to not worry for just one day. rest up I know you can pass those tests.
Hey, great to see your update - though I'm tired and should be sleeping so I will read it properly tomorrow.
You asked about NZ and our rehab programme? Well we are in a unique situation and we get State funded accident compensation payouts after any accident that means we can't work and as part of that the organisation (ACC) also is very rehab focussed. It's one of their performance indicators (or outcomes... but that that is government speak) that they get people back into work. So I do think perhaps I live in the best country in terms of brain injuries.
The only issue I have is that things take forever sometimes, but I think it's just due to limited numbers of the professionals available. And before Americans use that as an argument against a public health system, the ACC treatment I get is mostly private other than my doctor (GP) - we just keep them busy.
Currently I'm waiting to get back into work too and it's getting me down if I'm not careful. I now and waiting on a follow up neuro psyche assessment to see how much I've improved since the last one in July and then get my clearance for going back to work from there. They won't let you work again until you get that clearance in case you have another accident (which statistically is likely, especially if you take stupid risks) and then they have to pay you more!
I've found my anxiety has reduced considerably since I try to go to God and actually trust Him that He has things under control and wants the best for me. It took a while to trust God again though so I totally understand if you're not there yet.
Anyway, this is really long so better go. Take care, praying for you.
Hey there -
I'm glad I checked in. Sorry to hear things are rough for you, these days. I have a couple of suggestions for the panic/anxiety/depression stuff that have worked for others I know who have been debilitated.
A good buddy of mine in Seattle just realized that they've got severe food allergies, and that's why they were "clinically depressed" for years - to the point where they could not work, their life/marriage/sanity was in danger, etc. They changed their diet, and now they're back on track. Some sensitivities to common foods were really throwing them off.
I find the same thing true of me -- if I indulge in dairy and too much sugar, I get so "gunked up" I literally cannot function -- my balance is way off, I'm sick to my stomach, I get so down and depressed... and that makes me actually turn to more sugar to pick myself up, which is a vicious spiral. I find the same thing happens to me when I have too many carbs. The simple ones convert quickly to sugar, which takes me on a roller coaster.
A good friend of mine had absolutely debilitating panic/anxiety issues... to the point where they could not work, couldn't go out in public, were very... limited, emotionally... and just had such a hard time with life in general. When they changed their diet and got off all the junk food and simple carbs and sugar, and started eating more whole foods, veggies, etc., their world changed. I can't begin to tell you how much of a difference this makes. It sure as heck beats the hospital -- not to diminish your concerns about your mental health, of course!
I find that with my TBI-addled brain, it's easy for me to make poor food choices, and then I can't figure out why I feel like crap. I tend to overlook my physical system, when it comes to my moods, but things like getting moving, going for a walk, etc. can make a lot of difference for me. And exercise has an analgesic effect, so that may help your pain.
You're in New England, right? So, if the weather is getting to you -- as well it should -- find some way to just move. Take the stairs more often. Park farther away from the entrance to buildings. Walk, instead of taking the bus. Force yourself to get going, and you may feel better once you do.
Oh, also - if you haven't done so already, check out the video I have linked over at Broken Brain -- a guy in the Boston area made a 6-part video of his TBI presentation he's been giving for a few years. I just watched it this a.m., and after feeling down and freaked out in general, I really felt better. Good stuff.
Hang in there, champ! Tomorrow is always another day, and while our brains may not heal as quickly as we hope/expect they will, things can get better -- on their own time.
Cheers
BB
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