Despite the Boston Celtics Loss today, Brian Scalabrine makes my Headlines!

Logo taken from NBA.com in honor of

playoffs beginning for the reigning champs

All Tough Boys can learn a little something from Boston Celtics' Brian Scalabrine's Story:

1) Post-concussion syndrome isn't very understood - but it isn't very fun either.

2) When people are injured, often physical signs are easy to see. With concussions - be honest with yourself and others on how your feeling.

3) You will get better. It can get worse. But it slowly and gradually gets better.

4) Recovery happens. You often can't push it.

5) Your temperament might change. Scalabrine's wife tracks his moods!!

6) Think positive. Even optimists benefit from support!!

7) Go Celtics :)

8) Go Bruins :) [and please be gentle... despite playoffs...]

9) Go Sox :)
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I saw this article about Brian Scalabrine of the Boston Celtics from Boston Herald.com a few days ago and was EXCITED!! I have been curious about Scalabrine's concussion since it happened in February - announcing him BENCHED FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON?!?!!

Don't get me wrong, I haven't had a lot of juice 'upstairs' in my own head for a while to really pay attention to every detail in the sports world... so I didn't go digging for information. I'm still waiting to hear if Lugo, from the Red Sox, might have had some more serious complications from a concussion last season that has led him to being MIA most of this season (in conjunction with other injuries, etc). Of course, I'm still wondering!

With Boston sports playoffs just off the hook in my back yard - and I want SO badly to pay attention to all of it - this article just made me thrilled to hear about Scalabrine finally!!

And well - the verdict - he has PCS. And the prognosis - well, uhhh - wait and see? Time and rest? Here are some quotes I liked from the article:

Can a touch of pain lead to a spiral away from normal living?:

When the symptoms were at their worst, and Scalabrine suffered from repeated headaches and dizziness that interfered with basic comforts like sleeping or reading a book

Coach Doc Rivers said:

“I just wanted him to make sure that he’s being honest with himself. It’s different from other injuries, where you can look at someone like Kevin(Garnett) and tell from his gait how he’s doing. We literally can’t get inside Scal’s head with this.”

Scalabrine input:

“But I feel that one day I’ll consistently get better and better and I won’t have any more of these setbacks. Even coming now and watching the games there’s a couple of symptoms.”

I know exactly what that might be like. I went to a Celtics game in November - near the time of my first Bruins game. I don't remember the second period even though I know I was watching it... in a seat. And I zoned out for the ENTIRE THIRD PERIOD! I was actually just walking around trying to 'calm' myself... or look normal despite trying to avoid people and noise... until my friend texted me "where the hell are you?! you've been gone for 15 minutes!!" Talk about a wake up call... or text! I was all sorts of turned around!

This tough boy has a lot of brain to him. I'm glad he had the sense to even ask his doctors about what 'kind' of concussion he might be dealing with. But more importantly, in the following quote, I can just see what I was like a year ago - scared out of my mind that I lost my brain! Wanting answers and not getting any. Wanting SOMEONE to tell me I was going to be OK... that I was going to get it back... that the pain would get better... the symptoms are 'normal' or probably better stated: "expected." Scalabrine's inquisitions are not far away from those questions that I had - and I really wish I could have worked side by side with the doctors who are "experts." Who are they?? How can I get a job with them?? Are they looking for a pharmacist that has personal experience with concussions?! (and are they willing to let me start working real small hours and build up my endurance?????????)

“You go to the extreme - like there are six football players who had some kind of self-inflicted death, you read about them. I actually brought that up to my doctor, and he said that’s a different kind of concussion from what I have. I don’t have a situation where the brain hit the skull and then swelled.”

Here's a great tip that Brian gave: Bless his wife Kristen's soul for putting up with the man through his mTBI recovery! I bet she could be a spokeswoman for caretakers and family who deal with the worst of the worst!!

Scalabrine:

“My wife is always keeping track of my temperament, seeing that I’m consistent with my temper, and not getting really aggressive because of this. The only thing I really have are the headaches, which I’m slowly getting rid of.”

Mark Murphy concluded his article with the best sentence that should be taken to heart by anyone recovering from post-concussion syndrome... because you might be out of work, but to hell to those who think it's any sort of vacation!

After all, even the most positive thinkers need support.

Somebody get Skalabrine my number - I want him to start running my Tough Boy Initiative on a larger scale!! Hope you feel better soon!!!!! And thank you for being so honest to so many people despite how normal and fantastic you look!!!!!!

Go. Celtics.
Go. Bruins.
and of course... Go. Red. Sox. Yay!!

And as a side note - I was watching both the Sox vs. Orioles and the Bruin vs. Montreal Game 2 tonight with a friend... and although it was a lot to really pay attention... I remember looking at one of the smaller screens showing the hockey game and thinking - Holy COW. I can read the small print. I can see the score. I can SEE the seconds winding down. I can SEE the penalty clock in the corner. I CAN SEE CLEARLY the three white letters of the score bar AND their scores (5-1 by the way ;) haha) But my vision had been so horrible that even 6 months ago it was as if I wasn't wearing glasses and it was fuzzy and I couldn't figure it out. It still gets that way sometimes... but my vision was amazing today :)

NEdream: 1 Concussion: 0
Let the playoffs begin!

Mood Swings Happen

Oh, I'm an angry Tough Girl...

1) Recognize what feelings you've always had before your concussion.

2) Recognize the new mood swings are often precipitated from being overstimulated.
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Ick.

Ugh.

Argh!

What the... uhhhhh... I don't... just... how do... AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

My anxiety has been building all night. I'm not sure why... I'm aware of the thoughts ruminating through my head, but there is honestly NOTHING that has been different or more stressful or anxiety-causing this week that has been more than past weeks.

But this happens sometimes. And all week it's been building. I'm in a "I just want to swear all day" mood. I want to drop F bombs all over the place. I want to tell people to screw off. I want to tell the world that I don't give a hoot about anything they have to say so they might as well shut up. Bother someone who cares.

The ironic thing - is many of these feelings aren't really true. I do care. I do want to know. I do want to have discussions and talk and hang out and yadda... but my anxiety is saying different.

I must have overstimulated myself this week.

I've had a lot of company lately, which I love!!! But I think this wasn't a good week to love it. I have loved it... but at the same time I've been constantly urked by STUPID LITTLE THINGS. Like when I wait for someone who said they're going to show up by 1 am... but I stay up until 4 am waiting for them to get off the night shift - only to wake up at 7 am with a migraine that won't go away for the next 4 days... while you sleep. And then wake up wondering why I'm short tempered and ask you what day it is.... oh... Saturday, for the 12th time. Usually when I've asked for the 4th time... I know I'm having a bad day.

I'm in a Don't F'in Touch Me mood. I'm cuddly by nature... a true female. But this week I cringe at the idea of having a friend over that wants to hug hi and hug by. Don't touch me you slimy, lying, always-crossing-the-line leech! Haha... but they're not slimy or lying... they're my friend that I'm usually leeching onto! What IS going on in my head?!

I have had these types of moody episodes before my accident. I recognize that. Usually they would take part when I hadn't slept because I had 4 exams, 2 presentations, 9 club meetings, 3 nights out with my friends, and a weekend full of working for money... and it would come in the form of dropping things. I would always always drop things.... and it would make me mad, like I could control it. The WORST was when my contacts case would drop into the sink... oooh no it didn't!!!

But this is different. I'm angry at people who have good intentions. I'm angry at people who don't even exist. I'm ruminating over situations that stress me out and I just want to scream about them. I'm having an anxiety attack. I just want to shout several phrases that don't make sense and aren't complete sentences...

I don't even care that.... I just wish I could... I wouldn't even know where to... I'm not even... I can't believe.... if I knew this was.... I don't understand why they.... urrrrgh.

The thing that isn't different, is that I'm probably really tired. Instead of coming from an overloaded schedule, much of this is resulting from an overloaded sensory system. The last few days - regretfully I haven't been outside - have been so bright and sunny. Which I love. But it wears me out and overstimulates my eyes even though I'm still inside with the shades drawn. And its from having a constant migraine all week. It's relentless. I think I have good sleep and then I wake up with a migraine... and all the 'restfulness' goes out the window.

I'm ultra annoyed. I want to sleep. I want to stop hating. I know this isn't normal. I am completely aware that I'm just having an anxiety attack and that it could be from where I was stimulated with neurofeedback last week, could be partly due to being stimulated and not being on a mood stabilizer, could be due to legitimate concerns I have but haven't any reason to be thinking about them right now.

I am very aware that the way I am thinking is not the normal way that I think.

I have this feeling that if I just get up and make myself puke that the world will just get better. It's kind of like if you've had too much tequila and you can't sleep... but if you make yourself puke you'll feel better. I haven't had a drink in a long time - nor am I bulimic - but I feel like puking would somehow cleanse my mind/life of the garbage I'm ruminating over. I know it won't - so I never try it... it's just that internal feeling... and it might be hard to understand.

But I still want to tell people to F off. I want to fight and I want to scream and argue. I want to tell people how stupid they are and suggest ways they could be less stupid in the most demeaning ways possible. All to be spiteful and hurtful. And none of this I really, truly would do... even if given the chance. My blood is boiling and I'm short of breath... and this whole entry might make you think I'm a quack... but its so hard to explain the short-temper that seemingly calm and collected people can develop after having a concussion. Its so hard to even imagine a sweet little girl like me RIPPING APART seemingly caring individuals.

And I did this a lot in the first year of my accident. As I tweaked and reacted and screamed and cursed, I was completely sorry I was doing it... but would never admit it or hold back. Its been a while since I've been this heated.... this angry... this 'I want to tear the world into pieces' annoyed... But it happens. It happens to the best of us.

And I'm truly, truly sorry.

So I hope this post... if anything... just provides an insight into how real these mood swings can be... and how patient and accepting the family and caregivers of newly injured (and possibly those through long-term recoveries) might have to be if they see this kind of attitude in their loved one. Its hard enough on them as it is to knowingly be hurting you and yet not having the energy to hack it out and explain every nuance that's traumatizing their life to you. Try to understand that it usually has nothing to do with you... at least deep down at the root of the problem. And hopefully one day it improves and they apologize.


I just want to cry all over the place. Uggggh but if I hear the garbage truck today I'm going to freaking kill someone. Imbeciles! I need a hug :(

Iraq Veterans and Migraines from TBI

I don't know how legit ScienceDaily.com really is. I find some of the small articles here more enjoyable and thought-provoking than actually credible information. There's a lot of advertising around and Ads by Google... But then again, I haven't looked into the whether the information is coming from something legit either, and it very well could be??

But here is some food for thought on how imporant the Veterans from Iraq will be in developing an urgency to learn about mild traumatic brain injuries.

Enjoy the exerpt from ScienceDaily


Even though some of my posts aren't very influential these days... I'm trying to get in the habit of blogging what I find right away. The more I let build up... the more anxious I get... the more of a failure I feel like... and I know it's just all in my head. Bare with me!