QEEG - Quantitative EEG

To begin Low Energy Neurofeedback System therapy (otherwise known as LENS) I've been going down to RI once a week for the last two or so months to begin my neurofeedback.

One of the first meetings was to take my brain map to get an idea of where my brain isn't "normal." It's called a Quantitative EEG. They put a swimmers cap on me with tons of electrodes attached and 'injected' goopy gel into the holes where the electrodes are. The gel is supposed to aid the conduction of your brain waves to be read from your scalp. These maps are utilized in many different disease states - depression, epilepsy, migraines, ADHD, mTBI - and are pretty complex. They can be taken while you're doing a project, like talking or reading or math problems; they took mine while I was to sit there with my eyes closed and told not think of anything for 12-13 minutes.

There are several brainwaves that are always present under that skull of yours. Depending on what you're doing or if you're injured their are different ratios of those waves present. But it takes someone really educated in the mapping to interpret them (for example: ADHD kids will show too many delta waves, increased theta waves, decreased alpha and no significant change in beta waves all in the prefrontal and frontal lobe area... I'm not sure if they have to be doing something or just sitting there for that combination).

The waves are given names in groups of different frequencies. Delta are generally the waves 1 Hz to 4 or 5 Hz. Beta waves are the higher frequencies - 12 Hz to 25 Hz. High Beta include faster waves to 30 Hz. The program they use to measure all your frequencies that are present at the same time sorts them and creates colorful 2-D pictures to give you an idea of where it picked up how many, what amplitude, and by each frequency (1 Hz - 50 Hz) and by the clusters of frequencies that would make up each kind of wave.

This is an example of one of my faster waves in the Beta range:

It really doesn't tell you anything except there is more in the back right of my head than the front. The real information starts to come when they take this data and create more 2-D graphs after comparing your info to those of people in your age range and gender that are "normal" or "healthy" or people with no injuries or problems. If you are "normal" and just like everyone else like you should be - you will have a completely green brain!!

My alpha waves are perfect!!

The scale on the bottom is a standard deviation scale - based on a general bell curve I believe. So Green is normal... and Blue would be very low, Red is WAY WAY WAY too much!!

So this is where the cool part comes for people like me - who were starting to think they're a hypochondriac because nothing is showing up anywhere. MRI, CAT scan, whatever - nothing is wrong with you. Well I got hit in the head and things just aren't right... but there's nothing to show it.

Here's one of my higher frequency (28 Hz) waves after being compared to normal people - can you tell where I was hit? Can you see where my migraine was the day I had the map done? THIS IS SO VALIDATING!!!

And then when grouped into High Beta (25 - 30 Hz) it's an average, but still very clear to me!!

Sooooooo cool. It's pretty much used as a diagnostic. And guess what - I got hit in the head and my brain waves changed.

People with mTBI generally have WAY too much delta (the slowest waves, present when you're at your deepest sleep) and WAY too much beta waves (the fastest waves, present in anxiety and panic attacks) that can be seen where their injury occurred.

This... THIS is a mechanism. This is why my vision in my left eye has been ridiculous, this is why I'm just not the same, this is why I get easily over stimulated, this is why I can't think correctly all the time, this is why I've had to relearn everything in my life, this is why my personality has changed, this is why my sleep schedule is screwed around, this is why something actually happened when I was hit. This is what's wrong and where we can begin to see where I can benefit from LENS therapy. Which I'll talk about next...

Drugs or No Drugs

Tough Boy:

1) The first place you'll go is to a Neurologist - they're great if you're having problems that need medication.

2) Find a NeuroPSYCHOLOGIST that has worked with brain injuries, head injuries, whiplash/car accidents, concussions. They can't give you drugs but they know more about the cognitive part that many neurologists aren't educated about (but they can give you the referral!!)

3) Can't find one? Visit the Brain Injury Association state directory - give them a call and ask if they know any neuropsychologists in the area that can evaluate you and your brain injury.

4) Ask questions... and if you're on drugs - talk to you pharmacist! They'll go over your medications with you and might know some things you won't get from your doctor!

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My neurologist gets a kick out of seeing me every 4-6 weeks. Why? Because I'm the pharmacist that doesn't want to take drugs.

This isn't entirely true. I know a lot about drugs. I believe they can be an incredible aid towards the quality of life or even extension of someone's life expectancy with certain diseases. I believe they are important and a crucial part of health care - when used correctly and monitored appropriately. Drugs get a bad rap sometimes but I'm a firm believer that they can be pretty extraordinary... again, if used correctly.

The trouble is - even as a pharmacist, especially now that my circadian rhythm is all screwed up, I'm not taking things correctly (same time every day, 2 hours before or after eating dairy, missing several days in a row because I'm sleeping, etc etc). And there are many important little tidbits people just aren't aware of with their medications. Just another reason why it takes six years to get your pharmacy degree, and another reason it's a Doctor of Pharmacy and not an Associates or Bachelors. And why patients should ask any and all questions to their pharmacist to get them involved in their care.

I know a lot about medicine and disease states, which made it very difficult to be the patient when I was at the worst of being sick. The majority of learning about pharmacy is learning mechanisms. There's a mechanism to why your heart isn't pumping efficiently and there's a mechanism to how it can be fixed - and generally there's a drug that performs that very mechanism that will make you feel better or extend your life. But with a brain injury, with everything I had been going through, there wasn't a mechanism. There are symptoms that resemble other disease states, like migraines and dizziness and fatigue, but the why and how wasn't there. The only mechanism - "you have an mTBI, you had a concussion." So until I know what is going wrong, until someone can really give me the mechanism - I haven't been too keen on taking a bunch of their suggestions (however, if I were having seizures I'd be taking those drugs!!).

My neurologist finally talked me into taking a 'triptan' for my migraines. It was like breathing. I'm smart, I've had my 'brain' start coming back slowly, I've been re-learning my mental math, I've been understanding things a little more and a little faster as every month passes, and I've been very slowly seeing parts of my personality come back. I'm just living in this cloud of a constant migraine, sometimes worse than others, sometimes with head pain and sometimes with just insane nausea. If I could just get rid of the cloud, if I could just breathe, I could regain so much of my daily functionality! Taking the Axert that first time, I was like... "wow."

Imagine being in your hot shower, or in a sauna for too long that it's hard to breathe and hard to get much other than heat into your lungs - then you get out and open the door and... ahhhhhhh, breathing. The colder air fills your lungs and your panic decreases and you can think and... ahhhhhh, breathe. I decided that day that the next time I would go to my neurologist I'd say, "yes, give me the Topamax," I know it works for people who have migraines, I know it is known to work, I know I've read the literature, I know that I need to live without the migraines.

I went to my neuropsychologist the next week and he agreed that I'm really smart and I could function better if I could get rid of the migraines. Great, same page! But when I mentioned the Topamax, he was adamant about trying something else first, "don't go on Topamax, you have such a good brain, you have so much potential." Apparently, in his 30 years of experience he has seen that Topamax really does work - but it has some cognitive decline, it has a tendency to make people lose a ton of weight that is really unhealthy for them - and being so young and smart he didn't want me to experience the potential decline, and being tiny already he didn't think I could afford to lose anymore weight (and I completely agree).

He suggested to try biofeedback. The following week, my neurologist was not thrilled that he had talked me out of the Topamax and believes that biofeedback would take way too much time and attention to get results - and I think he's right. However, back at the neuropsychologist, we decided that Neurofeedback, a pretty new practice, might be the answer for me.

In a few more months, if this neurofeedback doesn't help me as much as I need it to in order to start working and having an income again - I'm going to see what drugs would be best for me, and Topamax might be it. But until then, I at least know that this recovery is expected to take a long time as it is, so a few more months of trying something unconventional isn't going to be much of a loss. Just think of all the things I can gain!

Impact of a Stroke

My grandparents on my mother's side have been there for me throughout the past decade of ups and downs. This past year especially.

My grandmother has always been a spitfire woman. My grandfather is absolutely the love of my life. At 83 and 87 years old, they celebrated their 64th (yes, sixty-fourth) wedding anniversary on November 18th. They are often up and about, still driving, and don't take more than a multivitamin. My grandfather would tell you - at his yearly checkup everything came in clear as day; cholesterol is perfect!

I love my grandparents. When I worked weekends for a few years, I called them every Sunday morning for some small talk before it got busy. Every holiday or anniversary, every birthday or every picture they sent me, I would send them a card or a thank you note. Both things I haven't been able to do in over a year - it's been too overwhelming or too much.

I am fortunate to have them close by, so when I started therapy in RI, I was leaving my mother's car at their house and my gram would pick me up at the T when I needed to drive down for a few days. Since July, I had been lucky to start seeing them a lot as I would get my attention and processing therapy or whatnot.

My grandmother has never been very tactful. She means well, but she surely lacks tact. I've had to ignore some of her comments and remind myself she means well. Such as "If you just went back to work, you wouldn't have to play all these stupid games that aren't getting you anywhere and you'd be just fine," or "you start to wonder how far 'support' goes until you're just plain babying someone..."

And it's OK, I know she just doesn't get it. I know I don't get it sometimes. I know that a lot of people just don't understand. I know there are instances where people have concussions and they are, indeed, perfectly fine. But I know more than ever, there are cases where that bump in the head isn't just a bump in the head and there are serious things wrong. I know because I'm sure I've been bumped in the head before and was fine. I know because this particular bump in my head was more serious and definitely changed my entire life and future.

Throughout all of this, accepting that she and others do not understand, I have never once wished they would. I have never wanted anyone to actually "get it," and the day I walked into the hospital and saw my grandmother absolutely beside herself because she "got it," I could only relive the dispair I had felt a year ago after my accident.



The Friday before Thanksgiving, my grandmother had a stroke. She's doing OK. She looks great - really great - fantastic actually. And she hates hearing it. As I do.

She gets it. And when she sees me when I visit, she just cries and says sorry - which causes me to cry and not be able to say anything except "it'll be OK, it comes back..." She asked me "how have you done this for a year, this is just so frustrating, how do people do this and not just want to quit?"

She can't do a lot of things she used to right now. She is beside herself as she tells doctors that she can't mechanically write, the words are just scribble - I got my love of writing from her, I got my verbose and often superfluous nature from my gram. She was going through old stories she's written - and she can read, and she's shocked she can still read when she can't write. She's also shocked she was able to do so much before. She gets it.

When I went in to visit, I brought my favorite photograph of her and my grandaddy from a few years ago to have at her bedside. I also brought some playing cards because she loves solitaire. Lastly, I brought her a 'word search' book. She loved the photograph - as it connected her to people who care about her. The cards and word finds - just made her discover some new things that are harder than they were before.

She speaks very slowly and is processing things even more slowly. On Thanksgiving, I watched as my family talked so normal to her and she pretended to listen, but her response just showed it was too fast for her to understand. I slowed my speech for her to answer her when she asked if she had just stayed at home and not gone to the hospital if she would have been worse. And she got it, she understood. She's still bright, just different. She gets it.

That day in the rehab nursing home, as the family was around she was telling us about her decision to be DNR. She was asked if she understood that it meant "do not resuscitate?" Her response was that she absolutely did and she doesn't want to live if she has another stroke. I don't think she will, most strokes that actually become a DNR decision happen one after the other, and their clots are just firing all over the place. But I don't think she'll have a life threatening one. And if another one happened, she just might become a little more disabled... this woman could probably still run circles around you and I. But the point is that the loss of who she used to be has had her thinking about dying. Her brain injury from the stroke has completely taken the life-loving spirit out of her. She gets it.

Finally, touching on personality changes that happen to those brain injured, some people, like me, get angry and resentful. However, my grandmother's clot was in the area of the brain that "controlled inhibitions." She went from being a stickler to saying outlandish, hysterical things! My father said, "Holy smokes! She is not herself, she's practically ready to run Saturday Night Live!!"

As comical as that is, it still breaks my heart. It had frustrated me that she didn't understand before, but I would go through it all again - the pain, the sleepless nights, the frustration, the anger, the loss, the fear, the unknown, the desperation, and all the struggling through this recovery - I would do it all over again if she never had to know. If she never had to really understand what I was going through I would experience it all over. Watching someone you love go through this, for me it resonates so profoundly because I've been through it. I get it.

Wellsphere.com

Tough Boy:

1) It's OK to not be a tough boy (or girl).

2) Find someone who knows exactly what you're going through and will listen (ie: therapist, etc). When you naturally look so fantastic to others it can be draining to keep up the presentation of feeling and acting just as fantastic.

3) Take off the makeup and cry already.

4) Take away the rain, and you'll take away the rainbows. Every weak moment makes each obstacle so much sweeter to hurdle over when you have strength. There will be better days.
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I've had a really rough week. I've had a really debilitating string of sleepless nights and migraines that are leaving me extremely wiped out. I'm down for the count.

But, on a brighter note within this week - I was invited to join the online health community of Wellsphere! As a new HealthBlogger, I am linked in with the Brain Health Community. I'm hoping I may be able to get some exposure to others with some great advice I can start recording here (or there... do they automatically link? I sure hope so.... I'm only one person... it's hard enough to learn several things when you're re-learning everything you used to know!)

I was also awarded a "Top Health Blogger Badge" (per the Wellsphere site: as recognition for the impact you're making on peoples' lives) which is pretty cool!!

NEdream26 . Brain Health

Thanks for helping me with the preliminary setup Geoff - I'm excited to be part of your WellSphere world. Thank you for the invite! There's a ton of great information for people looking to get quality information to help lead healthier lives. I haven't looked around too much - but I can't wait to explore in the coming weeks :)

Whoa! Happy dance!!

So that last post - When I spell-checked, I only had two words spelt wrong!!! That's huge!!! And I think it is a little more organized than some back in August?? Maybe... maybe not? I think it's better than months ago.



Granted, I also might re-read it a month from now and be embarrassed if I catch a missed 'to, two, vs too; or 'wear vs. where'... but I definitely caught myself once in a read-over before I posted it! Oh progress... I'll be smart again someday!! I just know it... I can feel it... I have so much hope. That makes me so happy :)


< insert HUGE smiley face here! >




I wonder if it's the new LENS therapy I just started?? I have a feeling it's going to do wonders when it starts to really work!

When your day begins as an Epic Fail, you haven't necessarily failed at Life!

Alright, Tough Boy:

1) Don't be too hard on yourself. If you're not ready to set expectations, it's okay.

2) It's OK to say no.

3) Pay attention to what overwhelms you and think of ways to lessen the impact. IE: Receiving mail. Lessen the impact by having someone else go through it, or putting it aside until the anxiety about it has passed.

4) Take a deep breath and keep reminding yourself that nobody died because you couldn't do something.

5) Celebrate your progress.

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It has been a long while since I have had anything intelligent to say... (ha! and not just here!). Sometimes, well actually quite often, I get easily overwhelmed with the idea of an expectation. If I think I have a good thing to write here - I just get so overwhelmed and end up not writing anything. I can't pin point it on a migraine, on being exhausted, or even having something else to do. I just freeze and I'm really not good at handling any - and I mean ANY - stress above waking up.

Mail stresses me out (paper mail, e-mail, facebook messages). BIG TIME. Paper mail: I don't open it and put it in a bag on my counter... when I'm feeling like I can open/sort through the bag in an objective manner without the attached anxiety... I'll go through it then. There's a lot I can throw out which helps. There's also a lot of things I know I can't do anything about right now but stresses me beyond belief!!

Waiting to go through these letters takes away the urgency of "respond today or die," because honestly - I'm still alive. It'd be ideal to delegate these things to someone else. While you're recovering - your brain stops trying to heal each time stress comes at the forefront. It is a totally different lifestyle than I was used to before my accident, but I've definitely had to remove any and all stress.

Being reminded of how capable I seem vs. what I'm able to do stresses me out. So, I celebrated my one year post-accident a few weeks ago. A friend of mine who I used to tutor in Organic Chem took me out for dinner to "celebrate" the amount of healing and number of obstacles that I've hurdled over slowly. I have a long way to go but I wanted to re-address my perspective to focus on the optimistic "wow, look how far I've come..." outlook. I never thought I would have come so far past the excruciating pain that plagued me for 8 or 9 months. The pain I have now, although obnoxious and still debilitating at times, is far less than even four months prior from today. And for that I'm thankful.

I was about to attempt the first day in over a year that I would plan more than one activity to complete in one day. I failed miserably. I had planned to join a friend at her yoga class in the morning and then I had planned to attend my first support group for 'high-functioning mTBI survivors.' I failed.

I don't know what it was- anxiety, expectations, exhaustion?- I wasn't able to sleep until 6 am, then not able to wake at 730 am. Finally at 10 am, I wasn't able to officially wake up or fall asleep. I had to cancel on yoga. By 1230 pm, I was still feeling overwhelmed and cancelled my trip to the support group. I couldn't sleep and my migraine was prominent. Finally at 4 pm, although still exhausted I felt like I could try to accomplish something. I bought some groceries :) I'll try again in a few weeks...

It's so difficult to come across binders full of post-its, accomplishments, plans, or my resume of a million-and-one activities I could organize and execute with my eyes closed while going to school full time and working on top of that... the contrast to what I'm struggling with now is more than apparent and quite frightening. I miss my superwoman self. Every day is a new day to remind myself that I still have much needed time to improve and recover. Thankfully, I'm still seeing improvements... but it's OK not to be superwoman while I'm recovering. I look fantastic, but these obstacles are real and I can't force them to come back all at once - but they will slowly come back. If they don't, I'll learn new ways - I'm not lowering my standards for myself that easily!

For Maria's Daughter

5-year old Tough Girl:

1) She knew about the sunglasses before even reading about it! Get the darkest ones you can find - they're gold :)

2) Take a nap if you start feeling cranky. Just pass out!

3) Dark, quiet room with a comfortable temperature (if not a few degrees cooler than perfect) is ideal to recharge in.

4) Skip the TV. Not a good idea when you're dizzy/confused/head hurts.

5) Turn off all noise. (I wish I could tell my neighbor this... it's 5 am, and their party is still hoppin'! ugh)

6) Vibration is tough to drown out - mp3 player (creative zen) - with music that doesn't have high or low pitches. Also might be great if your ears are ringing!

7) If your fingers are cold, put them on your temples or cover your eyes. A sleep mask or "beauty mask," on the cooler side would feel great on the eyes.

8) Gatorade or pedialyte.

9) Decrease any stress! ASAP! Save it for another day! Find ways to deal with stress - hot bath, meditation, reading... whatever you enjoy doing that doesn't take much "brain" to do.

10) Hang in there!! It gets better... more comfortable days are ahead! Even though they seem soooo far away!!

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That's the beginning of what I've got. I am 11 months post-concussion - and I'm writing this at 5 am, in which my headache has not subsided from yesterday afternoon. However, I can honestly report that I am quite sure the pain and migraine is definitely not as bad as a few months ago. I can honestly say, although not able to estimate to what degree, the migraine gets better as time goes on. My sensitivity to light and sounds has become more tolerable. I have more hope than I've ever had before. And as the fog thins slowly, I find more glimpses of the intelligence I have missed sooooooo much!!!!! That intelligence gives me hope that I have not completely lost the "old me." I'm in there somewhere - and I'm going to pull that girl by the hair until she pops back out of the black hole she fell into!

.......... So Maria's little girl............
I'm going to underline suggestions, I tried to put most at the top - but there are always a ton!

What a smart girl! She should work for me - I have no income of my own to pay her at the moment... but I want her on my team! I remember the day it dawned on me to wear sunglasses; or the day I first wore them inside (back in June). It's like breathing. Like the moment you can't stand to be suffocating in the heat from your shower, you hurriedly open the door of the bathroom, and - ahhhhhh! Breathing :) She's brilliant!

In the first year after a concussion (which I'm still in, so it's based a lot on what I've read...), the most crucial thing someone needs is rest. The first 9-10 months, and I'd like to think a little less often now, becoming overstimulated happened so easily! I couldn't rest enough. I couldn't get enough sleep to deal with anything. The sun was brutal. I eventually completely isolated myself to stay inside with the lights off and all noise cut off. I can handle more sun now, often a few days in a row - I still have some majorly bad weeks, but I think a lot of time and rest has really helped my brain heal and slowly take more stimulation in without killing me.

Lay your girl down with her favorite teddy bear more often than before. If you feel she's getting confused, squinting, getting cranky, blocking her ears, changed disposition (talkative -> really quiet)... it might be time for a nap. The best atmosphere is somewhere dead quiet. I would be more upset from hearing the vibrations of a TV through a wall when I knew I just needed quiet rest. And I couldn't even hear the TV, didn't know it was the TV, and nobody in the world would be able to feel the vibrations I could feel. As parents - try to make an honest, exaggerated effort to be quiet. Put down the dishes, turn off the radio, stop walking around, go outside and clean your car out at the bottom of the driveway away from her window... There is something ridiculous about how hypersensitive someone becomes when they have a headache/confusion relating to post-concussion. For example: I can't stand trash trucks. If there happens to be a national announcement about a strange tire-slicing bandit that targeted all the tires belonging to garbage disposal trucks in the greater Boston area... I may be very grateful. But for the record, it wasn't me... I'm just sayin'. :)

I've read that a cooler environment is helpful. I don't like it too cold; I feel my muscles tense up and I may start to shiver - both make me feel worse. But too hot can also increase blood flow and blood pressure etc, which if her migraines are sometimes vascular related, there's too much blood flowing too fast to her head causing pain... so this isn't good either. For a sure shot, just ask her, aim cooler while arming her with a plush and comfy blanket. Touching her temples and forehead or covering her eyes with a cool cloth can feel pretty nice - again, cool, not freezing!

I went from going to Fenway Park for 20+ games last season... to only being able to tolerate one a month - if that! And two of those games, I saw in RI with the Pawsox because the crowd is a lot smaller. I'm a die-hard sox fan... and I eventually had to completely walk away from following them after the game I saw on Aug 9th. I just couldn't handle it. And I still can't handle too much of watching them or even knowing if we're winning or losing during the game!! I digress... it's ALDS playoff season...

But limiting TV might help. The biggest issue with concussions includes a decrease in processing speed - With television, the frames change so quickly during shows, people talk real fast, and the lighting seems to resemble flashing sometimes - all are not very easy to tolerate after a concussion. You get stuck on one frame, and can't transition throughout the movie/episode/Red Sox game very quickly - causing frustration and more confusion = stress and more headache.

Some weather may exacerbate the confusion/headache cycles. The days that are 'hazy gray,' overcast but bright. Perfect example: The day right after fall becomes too cold to skip the gloves and boots; it's a gray sky full of clouds and it's about to SNOW ANY MINUTE. And then you see that first snow flake. Right before you see that first snow flake - that's the 'hazy gray,' relentlessly mind-wrenching weather that does something to the sunlight that shakes up a brain recovering from a concussion. Sunglasses are very helpful - but there is something unique about the fractionating of light that makes this weather disruptive far after you've invested in the best pair of shades. It's overcast that makes your brain fizzle. Before a thunderstorm, before snowfall, before a light rain shower... I have nothing intelligent to suggest in guarding against this weather phenom!

I wrote about frequency of light being a problem - but I also believe there's an issue with frequency of noise. Turning off all noise, if it can be accomplished, can help settle the brain down a bit. But those trash trucks... when they come around, I'm sure to grab my iPod! Vibration can be very difficult to drown out, but can make someone VERY confused and disorientated in a short period of time. She's young, but there's a small Creative Zen player you can find for cheap at BestBuy. Load some Disney princess songs on for good measure - or something else :)

I had a very hard time getting back into some of my music - and still have trouble, but it's getting better! I had to stick to songs that were relatively even-keeled on the sound frequency/pitch. Dave Matthews (minus extensive violin solos), Rascal Flatts (minus tons of bass), no screaming, no new songs that I did not know the words to... and I absolutely hated listening to "I kissed a Girl" because there's an incredibly high pitch in the chorus that just hurt.

If in silence, her ears ring, listening to an mp3 player might also help distract away from it. Sometimes the ringing can become nauseating. Teach her not to ramp up the noise too high either. There's a theory that the ringing happens from a sudden stop in the stimulation to the hairs in the ear that measure the noise... not sure where that theory is from....

I'm not sure if she's old enough to realize how significantly different her balance gets when she's dizzy... five-year-olds are very observant, but I'd love to hear about how she communicates it all to you. Much of the dizzy issue, for me at least, would be considerably worsened because I was extremely scared. I would wake up to my alarm at 7 am, and on my way to my alarm clock I would get WICKED dizzy. Then around 8:10 am, I would wake up from the floor and realize the alarm was STILL going off. I would get half way up and my vision would just disappear, I'd feel like I need to puke, and I'd become drenched in sweat. And the advice I received from a physician was "take a deep breath." I wish he hadn't been so rude about it - it really is great advice. Let her know that it will continue to happen for quite a while, but it's all part of her brain adjusting and healing. If she stops freaking out about it when she gets dizzy, she'll be on her way to controlling some of the hyperarousability that may be adding another layer to her migraines.

Dizzy upon standing? Get up really slow; my blood pressure still drops 20 points between sitting and standing. Hold onto the wall/door knob whatever is close when she gets dizzy and until it passes. The best advice I ever read in the "Coping with Mild Traumatic Brain Injury" book I invested in: While walking, touch the fence you're next to, continually graze the bushes as you walk - touching something stationary and guiding your path can help to "re-ground" your footing. I do it all the time. I'm awesome at faking 'normal' - but my best friends know when I can't see clearly or walk straight, I'm usually skimming the walls with my finger or reaching my arms out to sweep the fence as I walk. I'm also usually trying to laugh a little about it so I don't stress myself out and worry myself to a point of no return... which still happens and is so not fun.

I drink a ton of gatorade. Staying hydrated is key. For a little girl, there might be too much sugar in gatorade. But in contrast to water, there has to be something positive about maintaining electrolytes. One day I'll run a study and prove it - but you'll have to take my word for it... I feel a little more "balanced" when I drink gatorade; and I'm yet to successfully feel I can switch back to water. For a kid - in the baby section of most retail drug stores (Rite Aide, CVS, and even Shaws, etc) there's a great electrolyte drink called PediaLyte. Highly recommended for children and elderly (and adults of any age) who experience vomiting and/or diarrhea and need to rehydrate. It's a simple electrolyte formula usually in "original" or "orange" flavor; but it doesn't have all the sugars found in gatorade, powerade, etc. And of all those, I prefer the original gatorade - primarily because it's history to make the Florida Gators football team perform better... so it's data based in my head :)

I'm a writer at heart. And when I can't write, I enjoy reading. I also enjoy taking pictures. Find something she can 'mindlessly' do to distract her from the pain and discomfort. If she can't fall asleep, if she's cranky and irritable, if she can't sit still, if she just has to get moving - what could she fall into that she'd enjoy enough to stick with it despite being uncomfortable? Something that might relax her. I REALLY love the way piano keys feel on my fingers. I don't know how to play yet, but I can bite the bullet to teach myself some notes of a simple song in a beginners book. For me, there's something therapeutic about the feeling of making music through my fingers with those cold weighted keys.

Talk to your daughter before she gets into her headache. Stress is a huge factor for post concussion migraines. She's lucky she's not worried about returning to a job and paying for rent on time! But if you're asking her in the middle of the worst, "what can I do to make it better?" or "what will help you?"; it's not the time. The feeling of the migraine is so hard to explain. Especially if she experiences migraines without head pain. But I know the moment my face goes numb, the nausea kicks in, or my arms fall asleep - I need to remember what has made me feel better before. I'm not going to come up with anything while I'm in critical mode and can't answer questions, let alone correctly hear what you're asking. Come up with a plan while she feels good and can think about what she'd like you to do. Come up with a plan how she can tell you to just leave her alone for a few hours if needed. I can't tell you how many times I've belligerently screamed at my mother because she just wanted to help and didn't know how... but I just needed her to stop asking me questions so I wouldn't blow an aneurysm. Your daughter is five, I am twenty-three... big difference I know... but the stress of questions at the wrong time may impact how quickly it's possible to recover from the headache.

Yikes - I've written a lot. And at 6:30 am, the party across the hall has shuffled out.

Lastly, your daughter is very young. Chances are, this is her first big bang to her head. If she has another, the pain and headaches may get worse or take longer to resolve. The sensitivity to light and everything else gets worse and has a higher chance to become permanent with: a) the more injuries/concussions sustained, and b) the older the brain is. At five, your daughter has a brain that will reap the benefits of plasticity! Plasticity is something brains have been seen to do, and recently explored and discussed. It's the ability to change and to rewire. The ability to grow and heal, often remarkably overcoming deficits and injury. Many mature brains have demonstrated this plasticity, but are more 'hard wired' through the years and aren't as pliable as a child under the age of 12 or 13. And she's smart! If she hangs in there, hopefully the over stimulation of lights (and maybe sounds), the dizziness (and maybe confusion), and the irritability will begin to lessen in severity and/or be more tolerable. Take this time to learn relaxation techniques (which I haven't been able to do yet... so I have no real advice...) such as meditation, breathing, etc. Find and abolish things that irritate her - always reaching too far for her crayons, put them down a shelf; always losing her fake-car keys, hang a small bag next to the door where she can always put them the moment she gets home ;)

It's a rough time - but it could be a great bonding time to really communicate with your daughter. She's really lucky (maybe also because she's so young) to have someone who truly wants to do everything they can to help her feel better. You can stop by and make me dinner any night!! haha... I have a hard time eating, I'll write about it later.

Best of luck!! Stop by and let me know if anything helped, or how she recovers. Or if she has some suggestions herself!

Does the medical world just not care about concussions??

Tough Boy:

1) Be patient with yourself and others.

2) Get a second opinion.

3) Keep looking until you find someone empathetic and preferably knows the "old you."

4) Be open minded. Most are learning about this as fast as you are searching on the web.

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BrokenBrilliant wrote about A Brilliant Opportunity amongst the community of people frustrated like us. I completely agree with his take towards the resources of the world wide web - and he and I have taken a similar route to begin our educating journey about TBI through the web and our blogs:

An opportunity lies before us, to come together and pool our resources and offer one another help and support — largely in the form of information that’s distributed across the world wide web. Our info can go a long way. We can do for ourselves, what others cannot do for us. So, let’s do it!

However, I do strongly disagree with the statements he made about the medical community not having any interest in helping people like us. I know it was written out of frustration and anger at the system - and I have had the same thoughts and angry feelings about it all as well. But my love has always been to help other people, my career has always pointed towards healthcare, and I genuinely feel most bad differences (in healthcare and in the world) can be accounted for by having a lack of adequate education.

For the sake of condensing my post - here's what I wrote as a comment... it was easier to cut and paste!! Cheers :)

Hey BB, thanks for the comment! I’m so glad you’re back in the game. I took a short sebatical myself… and may need a little more time before I can fully collect my thoughts on your recent postings. But I’ll start a little with this one…

I couldn’t agree and disagree more. I too had some iffy experiences with the wrong practitioners… and was quite shocked after devoting the last six years of my life towards working in the American healthcare system. Needless to say, I was greatly disappointed!!

But I’ve found a lot of things in my own research that have recently been published from the medical community - one document released July 2008 (wowly-recent!). I believe this relm of concussion is a new ‘hot spot’ for research; and those who are unaware of how dramatic the consequences of a concussion can be, they are now diving in to find out. I want to firmly believe that most practitioners just haven’t been presented with enough adequate research to make an incredible dent in the way they practice medicine around concussions and mTBI.

This doesn’t make the problems less warranted for medical advice/treatment. Nor am I excusing practitioners that seem to lack the gold standard of empathy needed in any practice. However, I’m suggesting that the education of what’s really going on, or how to really treat (medically, not just respectfully) patients like you and I has just begun to gain some ground.

Your search for all this knowledge is right at the core of where medicine is heading in regard to the brain and concussions. Soon I hope to post some articles for thought - and I’ll put up the one I mentioned earlier. I also hope to eventually use my doctorate to educate these practitioners as more information is available.

Keep diving into information! Some is credible, some- well, not so much, although definitely thought provoking! I can’t diffuse it all, but I was certainly trained hard enough to look at all the variables and relate published context to real-life situations and actual populations. There are reasons the system works as it does.

I read everything you write and I find your desire to educate empowering. Keep it up - and maybe together we can hit the points that need to stand out and that can be validated amongst a medical community. I have the educational background, I’m close to finding the respectable audience to begin this ‘education-debachle!’- but all is wasted without credible information to relay!

Talk soon! NEdream

Still Kickin'

Tough Boy:

1) Find a way to connect to people.

2) Focus on one thing at a time.

3) Be patient.

4) Do something you enjoy doing.

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I think I quickly became overwhelmed with the idea of doing something positive from my beyond-negative-words experience with my concussion. This recovery has been kickin' my butt! There are so many things I want to write, so many things I want to share. I got overwhelmed as I made notes about them, or as I was trying new things... becoming overwhelmed is something that happens to me waaaaaaaay to easily these days.

I have a very difficult time dealing with any stress - so much as a single small email I receive - the thought of replying can sometimes be waaaaaaaay to much! This stress leads to a catapult of horrible events in which set me back days and weeks at a time. I have tons to write, tons to talk about, tons to tell people and a zillion ways I want to educate the world about what I've read and found out about what I've been going through. I will get it together eventually! I promise!! But I've had to take a deep breath, and I'll have to go really slow... and prevent myself from getting completely overwhelmed!! And then I'll post some ideas about how to not get completely overwhelmed if I find something that works.

And I'm so glad to hear from BrokenBrilliant! I have a lot to say about things you've written recently - it's just the overwhelming piece... kinda stepped in my way. But I still read everything!!! So glad you found practioners you could relate with... so critical with anything healthcare!

And to Dr. Rutledge (I'm not really sure how to email you... wellsphere looks awesome! But I couldn't figure out your email right away... I hope you look at this!!) - and to anyone else - feel free to feature my blog, mention it, add it to your link list, or comment about it. I hope to one day put enough down to go out and educate all about this relm of mTBI... and this blogging community is such an amazing way to start, to gather feedback, and to ultimately gain ground in a promising direction without failing (hopefully not failing...).


PS. I was reading my last post, because people commented on it (thank you!) And I'm embarrassed to have noticed my spelling mistakes and words I used incorrectly. Ugh. I sound so uneducated! But as I get better I hope to become more fluent in the English language again - I promise I know the difference between to, too, and two; and the difference between the verb 'peek' and the noun 'peak.'

Learning about mTBI

Helpful Hints:

1) Learn. Learn. Learn. Read everything you can about mTBI. After you've canceled out every diagnosis that doctors actually know something about... and TBI seems to be your last hope... READ, LEARN, QUESTION EVERYTHING YOU CAN FIND ABOUT IT.

2) Keep track of what you learn; you might forget later.

3) Find someone you can relate to - on the internet, in real life, in books. Justification for the problems you are facing can help a lot in recovery.

4) Know that you know what you're experiencing is real.

5) When people doubt your symptoms - Read and Learn all you can about what you're going through, and where you might be able to get help from someone who's seen the same problems before.

6) Stay tuned. I'm always reading to keep my brain functioning. If I find something good - I'll try to put it here!

7) I believe you.
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It breaks my heart to read about people with medical issues that are just not recognized. It breaks my heart to see people less fortunate than myself. It absolutely breaks my heart to know I am having these frustrating difficulties and absolutely struggling day to day... and then to pass by people who are visually more disabled than I. It makes me feel selfish. It makes me feel ignorant. It makes me feel needy and pitiful. I feel absolutely ungrateful and dramatized.

How could I stand here absolutely confused and uncomfortable when I am fortunate to have graduated college and live alone? How can I claim my physical strength or my cognitive skills have ceased from a once notable level; I am capable of reading, learning, writing and communicating in a way that I may seem outstanding still? My awkwardness is not often perceived by others and fishing for words is not easily noticed. How dare I feel I need help when I should be helping others??

It breaks my heart that in a time where I need the most help I've ever asked for, I still debate the necessity of putting myself first. It breaks my heart to have isolated myself from the thousands of people I used to know because I can no longer do favors for them or solve all their problems. I have isolated myself because I look so 'normal' and don't have the energy to waste on arguing with the people who knew the 'old me.' I have isolated myself because these people see what I see - other people who are visually more disabled than I.

Lastly, what breaks my heart more than for those less fortunate or my own struggling, I feel so much remorse and compassion for all of the people in the world who also feel lost and frustrated. I might have mentioned this before, but today in my daily "reading" I came across another example of someone going through the same frustrations... only four years after trying to adapt to his changes, had he started learning about mTBI and making sense of his issues.

This guy particularly interested me because he referred to himself as a "high-functioning" survivor. He's intelligent, had always been a hard-worker and persevered. Most takes I've read that are seemingly "most important" around this topic are stories about people who actually needed their head cut open, are now quadriplegic, lost all ability to read and write, or have to rely on other people. Very few instances have I found someone that does not fall into the "severe or moderate" category of their accident. Very few examples have been mentioned separate from those added to 'broad symptom' overviews. Very few have I been completely able to relate to.

He calls himself brokenbrillant; he started a blog with the same compassion I have for others just like him. I'm not sure how long he worked on what he's put down - but it's slightly more organized than mine. And he hasn't written anything since January... which I'm guessing has to do with him pouring so much energy into educating others with his blog that he "just couldn't" do it for a while. No big deal - maybe he'll be back to say more, maybe not.

He has written somethings that I swear I've said outloud and he just wrote the words...

I can’t keep second-guessing myself on my TBI(s), and I can’t give in to people who assume that because I do a really good impression of a normal person, it means there’s nothing wrong with me. There’s a whole lot wrong with me. Inside this head. That I can’t articulate very well with other people, when speaking. And I’ll have to work through this, one issue at a time.

I find his blog particularly humbling. Support groups are wonderful for any disability or particular subset of struggles. Dr. Ed Halowell - one of the gurues in ADHD psychology - started the first ADHD support groups and wrote about the amazing results his first 11 participants... or 16? I don't remember. These people were functioning and a little disorganized but clearly capable to live day to day - but were astounded to relate to others who understood them!

His blog is humbling because I need the support right now. A friend of mine whom I don't see often said to me a few weeks ago... "stop mentioning your problems, talk to me as if you're normal because I don't see or hear anything wrong with you." Although I'm sure his intention wasn't to hurt me, the fact is that I am stuggling. If I don't talk about it and work through it, or find ways around it, I feel lost. It's a big part of my life right now and I need support. I have not had the energy to quite find support groups at this time - but I read about another story of a former PhD in Economics, graduate from Duke and Yale. Her take on support groups:

In Austin, Anne eventually attended a support group. At meetings, she looked around at the quadriplegics and others with severe head injuries and felt fortunate but not always supported.

As difficult as it is for me to 'take time to heal' and to put myself first for once, I need it. And there are other people out there that need it to. I left a comment for brokenbrilliant saying, "for what it's worth, I believe you." I hope to hear from him. And I hope sometime down the road I'll find a ton of other "high-functioning" TBI survivors that will give me another chance to say "I believe you." Because although it doesn't get less frustrating, I know it's worth a lot to be believed.

Does this milk smell bad to you??

Brilliant:

1) Keep a Sharpie marker next to the fridge

2) Write the date you open the milk on the carton (or other perishable) on the day you open it for the first time! Right then! Before you pour it!

3) Write the expiration date found on the bottle, if more appropriate. But make it BIG so you can see it!

4) Check the date written on the carton and check your calendar every morning before adding milk to your cheerios....

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Not a great day today. Not a great last two weeks. I have a lot of times like this actually... but I'll try not to go down 'pity-me' road ever. However, I had originally wanted to try to have SOME sort of organization to make it easier for people to follow. But I just can't. It's just too much... I just can't.

So I'll stick to shorter things like this. And longer stuff I'll post after working on them for a while so they are kind of legible? able to follow?? organized????? I need to lay down.


I hate that phrase. But... I just can't. :/

That Sun!

Alright, Tough Boy:

1) Never leave home without your sunglasses!

2) Lost your glasses? A Red Sox baseball hat can help, too. Ok... so I'm a sox fan!

3) Get a significant amount of rest for 2-3 days prior to spending a day in the sun.

4) Worn out from being outside?? Allow yourself to rest.

5) Pay attention to what stores you "loose your brain" in. It could be their lighting!

6) Online surfing? Dim the monitor; avoid white backgrounds; find what colors you tolerate best

7) Colored Eyeglasses - who knew?!

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How ironic to name a blog "Tough Boy" and make it entirely pink! Well maybe because I'm a girl?? Nope.

Answer: It's easier for me to read.

I met with a psychologist I knew from my hometown a few months ago. Although he was unable to take me as a patient, he spent over an hour giving me a ton of information. Little did I know he had twenty-plus years of experience diagnosing, treating and rummaging through research surrounding head injuries. While getting lost in circles for a long time not understanding a lot of things, this guy was right under my nose with a plethora of knowledge!! Some of the random things he told me I might have forgotten and I wasn't able to look up much of the stuff I remembered. But there was one thing I did find.

He told me someone had found that people with head/brain injuries/whip lash were found to not tolerate light as well. Well I knew that from experience... But then he told me there was research out there showing this group of individuals actually struggle to process specific wavelengths of light often emitted from certain fluorescent lights, the sun, etc. And they developed certain tinted/colored eyeglasses to help. My words might not be his exactly but Google helped me find the Irlen Institute.

This article presents research specifically seen with TBI. I wish they posted a date it was conducted, or a link to a legit article! Legit research or not, the following statement I very much believe - just from talking to people, who know people who have struggled in similar situations. I also believe it from my own experience regulating the amount of sun/light I see each week, exposure to retail stores with fluorescent lights, and from what websites I visit most when I'm out of it. All these, and more, contribute to how comfortable I am in the moment, day and throughout the week.

Dr. Tosta stated in her research:

It appeared that these individuals were so overwhelmed by the changes to their life that they had little awareness of the severity of the symptoms contributing to their inability to function.

Other articles and reading are available throughout the sight. There's information (that I haven't quite read) including how the use of these glasses can benefit other problems including migraines, asperger's, and ADHD. And if I haven't said it already- much of the issues seen in post-concussion are very close to symptoms seen in ADHD (and they are often misdiagnosed on both sides... I should have saved that article on it, darn).


So, I spend a lot of time inside with the lights out and my dark shades down. I try not to go outside in the sun more than one day a week, and never without my sunglasses. I go for most of my walks or trips to the grocery store after the sun has set (NOT the best thing for your circadian rhythm, however). I only go to retail stores in the quiet hours, on days I'm able to accomplish something - like filling a prescription. If I'm going to wait, I'll usually find a less-abraisive store to browse nearby if the lights are too much.



When I tried reading research articles again, not only was the medical terminology not processing very efficiently, but I was greatly concerned/frustrated by the way my eyes were picking up words. There was a bright light behind each word as it seemed raised from the rest; to move to the next word I had to actively 'drop' one and 'pick up' the following. Here's a picture I just came across... not exactly what it was like... but close.










Were the white pages making it difficult?? I'm not sure and still don't know, but I do know that most things online are easier for me to read when they're not on white backgrounds. Brighter colors (whites, neons) are more difficult; dark ones are ok, but white letters are hard to read. Yellow words on dark blue is tolerable, as well as black on pastel backgrounds. Even though the background color could be subtle, it's amazing how much it can help.

And thus - I hope you enjoy my pink page!!

Incentive? Initiative? Inclination??

In fumbling around this new blog of mine, I needed a title. I know I want to write about what I'm going through to help others. So... yeah. That's as far as I had gotten.

I'm still not sure if "Initiative" is the word I'm looking for. The first letters, mTBI, are reflective of "mild traumatic brain injury." It's the only thing I really was given back in February '08... the neurologist I had seen told me it would be best if I were to learn everything I could about my new diagnosis and "use the internet and search 'mTBI,' that should give you a start..."

I decided on the T and B to represent Tough Boy. The most mention of concussions in the past and present surround sports and professional athletics. I kind of believe that much of the "minor" perspective on this kind of injury has resulted from many professionals coming out of game after getting knocked out - and then sent right back out there to play in the next inning/quarter/round. No professional men's hockey player wants to be called a "girl" because he couldn't hack a little check into the wall. You ready yet, tough boy? Get out there and play!

I might not be a tough boy. My income wasn't coming from playing sports. My job and everything I did involved using my brain. I was constantly using my brain in every second I was awake... and thus the challenges I've been facing and the constant frustration stems from all the changes my brain is going through. I can't use my brain as easily and I need to re-learn just about everything you can think of.

But many people, who don't play professional sports, also are struggling with their own changes. Many are trying to be a "tough boy" (or girl) and hack through it, never realizing what was really going on to make their life so challenging now. So my initiative, or whatever, is to help those tough boys who just need a little guidance... or some no-brainer to just smack them in the face to help them better cope with their new-found troubles. I don't know much, nor do I claim to know everything... but I know I wish I had someone throwing these ideas and suggestions in my face a loooooong time ago!

The who, what, why...

Tough Boy:
1) Use a word processor on your computer to save ideas and unfinished work (I love Word for Microsoft XP). You can go back as much as you want before you send an email or post a blog!

2) Spell Check is a life-saving invention

3) What's the word?? While in Word, right click on the word you're unsure about, scroll down to "Synonyms." If only I could do that while talking!!

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In November I was walking to my “job,” the unpaid rotation in my sixth year of Pharmacy school. I had a presentation that day, which I can’t remember what it was on… but I also had an interview for one of the medical schools I had applied to. I was running my strengths and weaknesses through my mind. I was preparing my presentation of how as a doctor I would love to work in the emergency room, trauma-surgery unit, or become a cardiovascular surgeon.

If you told me that morning before I left my apartment that my entire life was about to change – I would’ve probably said, “you’re right, I’m about to ace my interview and get accepted to medical school!” I would’ve run out the door without blinking at the thought.

That morning, I was hit in the head and my entire life has changed.


As I continue to recover from a world-altering closed head injury, I hope I can find the energy to record some of the "no-brainers" that aren't so obvious when you have no brain... or at least one that isn't working properly.

I have been slowly learning about concussions and mild traumatic brain injuries (mTBI); unfortunately there's nothing mild about them and they are not fully understood.


Too often, when I would try to find out things about what I was going through, I would come across advertising websites. Where they all had great information, they were all saying the same thing. Also, they were all connected to personal injury lawyers hoping to make bank off this “invisible” suffering. That’s all fine and dandy – but if doctors are telling me there’s nothing wrong, I need to find the answers myself… even if it takes me forever. I’m educated enough to look deeper and make sense of what I might find (um... well, eventually). Forever is a dreary time, but when the hope for my future is darker than the present, spending the insane amounts of time and frustration may help me slowly become more comfortable.

I am still not ok. I have a long way to go. I can, however, fake-it-till-I-make-it. I try not to make it an issue with people I am just meeting. I look the best I’ve looked in 7 years - I’m a knock-out. However, the most annoying thing I hear is “Really?? Cause you look great!” They don’t see me every day. They don’t see me when I am on my 6th quiet day spent inside with the lights off; my main goal being to just get to the next day. On my good days I might be able to open mail from a month ago – not saying I read any of the stuff I keep, but I try to throw out the junk mail. On bad days, I really can’t tell you how I have spent my waking hours other than reading “mindless” things online. Two or three sentences, short blogs, horoscopes, updates on the recent Red Sox developments… but I won’t register most of it.

If I decide to go out or when I am going to a friend’s house for the weekend, I feel obligated to push through it, smile and charm, and “be as normal as I can.” I might go days without sleeping and I will be ultimately confused. I try to have VERY minimal light and sound exposure in the days coming up before I have to drive. I try to “rest up” as much as I can to get “energy reserves” so I can better hold conversations, meet new people, be a friend… have a life… in the days that I am down there. Nobody likes a party pooper. And if it ever comes to the question of “what do you do for work?” or “why aren’t you drinking?” I try my best to follow along with what the “past-me” would have said, until I have to tell them I’m actually retarded now. “But you look great!!” Ugh….

I’ve been doing this on my own. I am very smart, and I’m sure I am still above average on many levels. The frustration is with the dramatic change. The part where I have to RE-learn what I’ve been molded to do since I was born. How I group things, how I count, how I view numbers, how I listen, how I read, how I send out my rent check, how I communicate, how I react to others and situations. I look great, I am very smart… but I am not the “me” I had been for the 22 years before my head injury.

There are certainly glimpses of “me,” and therefore leads many people who were acquaintances to not understand what I’m trying to say about my new world and my new difficulties. And some of those glimpses have driven me to want to “figure it out” when everyone else has no suggestions. I read a lot of blogs to pass time. I also read a lot nonsense articles. But sometimes, I come across something that seems so obvious, something that is so much “common sense,” that I am baffled by my discovery.

When you have a brain injury, as discrete as your problems may seem to others, your brain just isn’t able to see the obvious. The confusion makes much of the “common sense” not so common to you anymore. And these “no-brainers” that I didn’t have the brain to figure out on my own – were absolutely some of the best trinkets of advice that took me WAY too long to find.

So this is where I’m going to put those trinkets. For anyone who stumbles on this blog, if you have any trinkets of your own (even if you’re perfectly functioning), PLEASE let me know. It takes me MONTHS to do something that might take you two seconds; any help would be completely appreciated. Eventually, I hope these things can help people that are just starting to figure out how hard it is to find these things on their own… the people who aren’t as fortunate to have the same resilience that’s peaking through from the “old me.” And maybe, just maybe, I can make that difference in this world I had thought I would in the pharmacy world, medical school, or as a cardiovascular surgeon… but maybe I will be able to improve enough to make a difference by teaching the healthcare providers who are treating, and become an advocate for, those who are struggling despite just how fantastic they look.

"If I can dream of a warmer sun, where hope keeps shining on everyone..." -Elvis

No-Brainers for Tough Boys:
1) Laugh

2) Think about laughing

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I've had some lousy past few days. I'd like to explain my prerogative a little, but may not be able to muster the sentences together tonight. But here's a start of what I would like to do...

I will probably write my heart out on something I've found or tips that I feel are helpful for my daily functioning/feeling more comfortable while recovering from a brain injury (Nov '07) that's literally changed my world. Then I will most likely pick out the "important" points to take away and bullet them at the top. Why? Because (on days like today) when someone struggling with the changes of their brain is on an "off" day; sometimes it's hard to register any and every thing they read. Sometimes it'd just be easier if someone said "well, the point of the story was..." or "the only thing you need to know is..." rather than having to read everything yourself. And although I've always been able to write, sometimes I ramble and may be struggling to put words together effectively to make sense.
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So tonight, I was just trying to keep my brain moving on random short articles about... whatever. I have no idea what I was reading for most of the time. There were moments when I would have to tell myself out loud to "read the words!!" It's so frustrating. But then there were a few times when I enjoyed a story and it was short enough (and easy) to read and comprehend.

In relation to struggling with a brain injury - my muscles all around my neck, shoulders and back have been relentless this weekend and will not loosen up. I'm very uncomfortable, dizzy and confused. And I'll save the migraine talk for later. A naturopathic physician that I had seen back in December had suggested a lot of stress might be adding to the pain. He told me to think positively with the phrase, "I'm getting better in every way, every day."

Now in my mindless wandering online, I came across these two brief articles that are kind of exploring the healing and hope in optimism and laughter. Or at least grounds for stress relief. Maybe I'll watch a funny movie tomorrow and see if my neck muscles will take a rest for a bit!!

And you think this will help???

I'm absolutely exhausted. It's now Wednesday morning - and I have not been able to sleep since Monday during the day. My head isn't too clear right now - but I mindlessly put together a format to occupy some time. When I can piece together more coherent sentences I will be sure to explain the who, what, why, etc.