Some Fantastic Articles Involving mTBI

One thing that I really like about all the 'new' data being published about concussions... it spans a really broad area of health care. From rehab, to neurology, to psychology, and also on the molecular level. And I love the molecular level.

Understanding the nicks and knacks of different proteins and hormones and cytokine or prostanglandin mechanisms and pathways... there's so much to know. There's so much that is unexplored!


Here are a few articles discussing the Tau protein found to accumulate and be part of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). CTE has been found in post-mortem brains which were subject to multiple concussions throughout a lifetime. In particular, from football players.


This is an EXCELLENT article written Mark Kram for the Philadelphia Daily News:
Deadly Aftershocks


Here's a pretty awesome picture showing the differences in a 61-yr old brain that hasn't experienced concussion in comparison to two 45-yr old brains (from the men in the story above) who experienced multiple concussions. This is to show you the damage caused by the tau protein they're talking about. (I haven't figured out how to get it to show as a picture instead of just a link... sorry!)
Click here for picture!


In addition, the daily news reports NFL concussion management standards, outlined recently - May 2007:
Special report: Deadly aftershocks: NFL concussion management

They're interested in protecting players from being Tough Boys...

The NFL will establish a "whistle blower" system so that anyone may anonymously report any incident in which a doctor is pressured to return a player to play from a concussion or that a player with a concussion is pressured to play.

Keith Primeau, who played for the Philadelphia Flyers Hockey talks about his experience with post concussion symptoms on the USAToday site:
Former NHL star Primeau warns of concussion risks, by Janice Lloyd

He's among the athletes who have agreed to help the Sports Legacy Institute and pledged their brains after they die to the Center for Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy at Boston University.


To move North a little. Dr. Michael Cusimano, a neurosurgeon in Toronto, did a little digging among hockey staffing and young players. United Press International (UPI) had a quick summary of it here: Many in hockey don't understand concussion

The study, published in the Canadian Journal of Neurological Sciences, found:

-- Up to two-thirds of players had the mistaken impression a player must lose consciousness to have suffered a concussion.

-- One-quarter of adults and up to half of children could not identify any symptoms of a concussion or could name only one symptom of a concussion.

-- About one-half of players and one-fifth of adults mistakenly believed concussions are treated with medication or physical therapy.

-- About one-quarter of all players did not know if an athlete experiencing symptoms of a concussion should continue playing (they shouldn't).

Just a little reading I thought I'd share.
Beautiful day out today! Wish I could enjoy it all day! (but I got a few good spurts of enjoyment out of it!)

Twitter

I joined twitter.

http://twitter.com/NEdream26

Why?

Because it is quick. When I sign in to write - there's so much I want to write. So I either A) Write a ton!, or B) Don't write.

Also, people ask me quite often, "so what's your average day like?" Or, "how often do you get migraines?" To be honest, all my energy was taken away from jotting on my calendar in the kitchen and put towards my school work. I stopped keeping track. So if I'm not sleeping that night, and I'm up with a migraine (not because anyone who wants to 'follow' me will care)... its a quick thing I can jot down. And every so once in a while, I'm tempted to say, "I don't think I've had a migraine all month..." but in reality I was asked on a day I didn't have one and probably just don't remember it.

Quick. We'll see if it's actually more or less work. We'll see if it becomes just one more thing to do or if it actually is a faster, less involved way for me to keep a journal of my recovery.

Sorry I've been busy and overwhelmed and trying to get a life going... I haven't reported much! But you can find me on Twitter! http://twitter.com/NEdream26

The updates should come up on the right side bar where all the information links are... if I did it right??

Hope you're all well!!

Stroke of Insight Video - Jill Bolte Taylor

I want to be the Jill Bolte Taylor of Concussions.



This is such a great video featured on Ted.com.


I've learned so much about all angles of the brain. And today was just a great day where I had a lot of great conversation with some of my pharmacy professors - and a lot of talk about my recovery. Funny to hear that they have been talking about me, too!

My neuropharmacology professor, who I did research with a few years ago, had just told my story yesterday apparently. His sister in law was talking about her "type A - I'm going to conquer the world - there is nothing I can't accomplish" son who was just in a car accident... and he looks ok but his life is impossible to resume. I was humbled to hear that he used me as a respectable same-case example. I've completely looked up to him over the seven years I've known him. I must have intuitively known he was thinking about me!

He is actually working on mTBI stuff right now, which is pretty cool. I have some crazy ideas to what might be going on... but obviously have to be studied. If there were anyone on earth to take my thoughts and get the answers - it'd be this man, after publishing his 240th accredited journal article. He has a heart of gold and listens to me try to figure things out without knowing some intricate details about neurotransmitters that would greatly change how they react or affect other neuronal processes.

I believe a lot of the changes that happen in strokes are very similar to what happens when you're hit in the head or have whiplash. In a discussion with my neuropharm professor he mentioned that he's found a lot of chemical changes that occur in the brain after a stroke. He's studied some drugs around it, too. Nothing really speeds up recovery, only a potential for preventing damage. However, nobody thinks they'll have a stroke and nobody thinks they'll get hit in the head! Tough to prepare for something that 'would never happen to you!'

It's a great day today :)

Call for Backup

Tough Boy tip of the day:

1) When things are spiraling, call someone who really won't mind sweeping, dusting, doing laundry, etc.

2) Wear those sunglasses! You're not a solar unit that gains energy when basking in those rays!!

3) Don't ever let your grocery cart look like mine..........

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As you recover - you'll find some more comfort than before, you'll experience a longer 'better day,' maybe have some more better days each month, and you will SLOWLY feel a bigger push to just be you again!

I've felt this push a lot. I know there are things that are better. I would like to say I have more energy. I would like to say I'm closer than ever before - which I am, but I still have a ways to go.

The last few weeks I've been looking around at my apartment and started to realize that my energy is still being completely depleted at the end of each day. I might be completing my assignments (barely) on time. I might be doing more math, I might be a faster reader, I might be having better conversations and feeling like I have more energy to have an educated life again. But in all honesty, and naturally, I have let other things fall by the wayside while my priorities changed.

The order of my apartment is important for me to find things. It's important so I feel I have some structure. It's important so I can recover without losing pieces, defaulting my credit, or getting mice in my house. And often, when things are a DISASTER - I feel less put together myself. My health slips, the care of my skin slips, if I can feed myself comes out when my weight slips, my relationships with friends and family slips, and it was very hard to see it happening until everything looked as if I was now a disaster!

My 'income' right now is coming from my psych program. The energy I have been pummeling into my assignments has been redistributed from the energy I had for self-care. But I had gotten so disorganized... I had to call for backup.

Thank goodness for the people in your life that won't just 'say' "if you need something, call" and then disappoint. Thank goodness for the people who don't question why you need help putting your clean laundry away. Thank goodness for the people who will put your dishes into the dishwasher and press start. Thank goodness for the people who will listen to you verbally vomit about your life and whats on your mind and whats building up and not hold judgement or rumor or make you feel like they don't care.

Thank goodness for my friend, Maria. I've known her since I was about three years old, we lost touch for years when we went to college and recently keep in touch every few months. But she is one of these people. Not many exist.

I've stopped therapy in RI for a little while - I need to put my life back together. Cleaning was just the start. I need the energy to get through my course and do the final project. I need the energy to reapply for accommodations to retake my law exam. I need the energy that was being spent on going home, then going to RI, then coming back... just for a few minutes of LENS therapy. Although, I'm torn. I know I need it. I go there because its too much to start all over. I go there because of my history of them documenting my recovery. And starting over is just so exhausting. But I can come back when I think I can...

I think my energy is increasing. But the level of my functioning is also increasing and eating off any of the extra that I've gained. So I'm only capable of doing X amount of things still. I could do that amount when I had Y amount of energy. But as I recover I have a little more - Y + Z amount of energy. But I'm still only capable of doing X amount of things. So where's Z energy going??

I think I can account Z energy being allotted towards the 'simple' functions that are 'reconnecting' in my brain. I might not be doing more things, but I'm doing things more efficiently. Like my memory. Recognizing faces. Shortcuts. Remembering things I talked about with someone a while ago that relates to a conversation I have today. Being able to follow a conversation and not have to stop and ask what a word means - its understood rather than dwelling on it. But that little detail of remembering a definition without having to look it up, in the flow of a conversation IS IMPROVEMENT! It does take energy though...

SO that's my rant. Call for backup and get back on track!

Happy Spring!

How Strong Can I Be - blog highlight

ResilientHeart writes a ton about her journey through finding resources and struggling to understand her 'new self' following mTBI. Really, it's the fight of her life.

Today, she wrote a beautiful post titled How Strong Can I Be. It wraps up some of the frustration and grief that is often experienced on the road to recovery. Check it out!

Despite the Boston Celtics Loss today, Brian Scalabrine makes my Headlines!

Logo taken from NBA.com in honor of

playoffs beginning for the reigning champs

All Tough Boys can learn a little something from Boston Celtics' Brian Scalabrine's Story:

1) Post-concussion syndrome isn't very understood - but it isn't very fun either.

2) When people are injured, often physical signs are easy to see. With concussions - be honest with yourself and others on how your feeling.

3) You will get better. It can get worse. But it slowly and gradually gets better.

4) Recovery happens. You often can't push it.

5) Your temperament might change. Scalabrine's wife tracks his moods!!

6) Think positive. Even optimists benefit from support!!

7) Go Celtics :)

8) Go Bruins :) [and please be gentle... despite playoffs...]

9) Go Sox :)
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I saw this article about Brian Scalabrine of the Boston Celtics from Boston Herald.com a few days ago and was EXCITED!! I have been curious about Scalabrine's concussion since it happened in February - announcing him BENCHED FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON?!?!!

Don't get me wrong, I haven't had a lot of juice 'upstairs' in my own head for a while to really pay attention to every detail in the sports world... so I didn't go digging for information. I'm still waiting to hear if Lugo, from the Red Sox, might have had some more serious complications from a concussion last season that has led him to being MIA most of this season (in conjunction with other injuries, etc). Of course, I'm still wondering!

With Boston sports playoffs just off the hook in my back yard - and I want SO badly to pay attention to all of it - this article just made me thrilled to hear about Scalabrine finally!!

And well - the verdict - he has PCS. And the prognosis - well, uhhh - wait and see? Time and rest? Here are some quotes I liked from the article:

Can a touch of pain lead to a spiral away from normal living?:

When the symptoms were at their worst, and Scalabrine suffered from repeated headaches and dizziness that interfered with basic comforts like sleeping or reading a book

Coach Doc Rivers said:

“I just wanted him to make sure that he’s being honest with himself. It’s different from other injuries, where you can look at someone like Kevin(Garnett) and tell from his gait how he’s doing. We literally can’t get inside Scal’s head with this.”

Scalabrine input:

“But I feel that one day I’ll consistently get better and better and I won’t have any more of these setbacks. Even coming now and watching the games there’s a couple of symptoms.”

I know exactly what that might be like. I went to a Celtics game in November - near the time of my first Bruins game. I don't remember the second period even though I know I was watching it... in a seat. And I zoned out for the ENTIRE THIRD PERIOD! I was actually just walking around trying to 'calm' myself... or look normal despite trying to avoid people and noise... until my friend texted me "where the hell are you?! you've been gone for 15 minutes!!" Talk about a wake up call... or text! I was all sorts of turned around!

This tough boy has a lot of brain to him. I'm glad he had the sense to even ask his doctors about what 'kind' of concussion he might be dealing with. But more importantly, in the following quote, I can just see what I was like a year ago - scared out of my mind that I lost my brain! Wanting answers and not getting any. Wanting SOMEONE to tell me I was going to be OK... that I was going to get it back... that the pain would get better... the symptoms are 'normal' or probably better stated: "expected." Scalabrine's inquisitions are not far away from those questions that I had - and I really wish I could have worked side by side with the doctors who are "experts." Who are they?? How can I get a job with them?? Are they looking for a pharmacist that has personal experience with concussions?! (and are they willing to let me start working real small hours and build up my endurance?????????)

“You go to the extreme - like there are six football players who had some kind of self-inflicted death, you read about them. I actually brought that up to my doctor, and he said that’s a different kind of concussion from what I have. I don’t have a situation where the brain hit the skull and then swelled.”

Here's a great tip that Brian gave: Bless his wife Kristen's soul for putting up with the man through his mTBI recovery! I bet she could be a spokeswoman for caretakers and family who deal with the worst of the worst!!

Scalabrine:

“My wife is always keeping track of my temperament, seeing that I’m consistent with my temper, and not getting really aggressive because of this. The only thing I really have are the headaches, which I’m slowly getting rid of.”

Mark Murphy concluded his article with the best sentence that should be taken to heart by anyone recovering from post-concussion syndrome... because you might be out of work, but to hell to those who think it's any sort of vacation!

After all, even the most positive thinkers need support.

Somebody get Skalabrine my number - I want him to start running my Tough Boy Initiative on a larger scale!! Hope you feel better soon!!!!! And thank you for being so honest to so many people despite how normal and fantastic you look!!!!!!

Go. Celtics.
Go. Bruins.
and of course... Go. Red. Sox. Yay!!

And as a side note - I was watching both the Sox vs. Orioles and the Bruin vs. Montreal Game 2 tonight with a friend... and although it was a lot to really pay attention... I remember looking at one of the smaller screens showing the hockey game and thinking - Holy COW. I can read the small print. I can see the score. I can SEE the seconds winding down. I can SEE the penalty clock in the corner. I CAN SEE CLEARLY the three white letters of the score bar AND their scores (5-1 by the way ;) haha) But my vision had been so horrible that even 6 months ago it was as if I wasn't wearing glasses and it was fuzzy and I couldn't figure it out. It still gets that way sometimes... but my vision was amazing today :)

NEdream: 1 Concussion: 0
Let the playoffs begin!

Mood Swings Happen

Oh, I'm an angry Tough Girl...

1) Recognize what feelings you've always had before your concussion.

2) Recognize the new mood swings are often precipitated from being overstimulated.
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Ick.

Ugh.

Argh!

What the... uhhhhh... I don't... just... how do... AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

My anxiety has been building all night. I'm not sure why... I'm aware of the thoughts ruminating through my head, but there is honestly NOTHING that has been different or more stressful or anxiety-causing this week that has been more than past weeks.

But this happens sometimes. And all week it's been building. I'm in a "I just want to swear all day" mood. I want to drop F bombs all over the place. I want to tell people to screw off. I want to tell the world that I don't give a hoot about anything they have to say so they might as well shut up. Bother someone who cares.

The ironic thing - is many of these feelings aren't really true. I do care. I do want to know. I do want to have discussions and talk and hang out and yadda... but my anxiety is saying different.

I must have overstimulated myself this week.

I've had a lot of company lately, which I love!!! But I think this wasn't a good week to love it. I have loved it... but at the same time I've been constantly urked by STUPID LITTLE THINGS. Like when I wait for someone who said they're going to show up by 1 am... but I stay up until 4 am waiting for them to get off the night shift - only to wake up at 7 am with a migraine that won't go away for the next 4 days... while you sleep. And then wake up wondering why I'm short tempered and ask you what day it is.... oh... Saturday, for the 12th time. Usually when I've asked for the 4th time... I know I'm having a bad day.

I'm in a Don't F'in Touch Me mood. I'm cuddly by nature... a true female. But this week I cringe at the idea of having a friend over that wants to hug hi and hug by. Don't touch me you slimy, lying, always-crossing-the-line leech! Haha... but they're not slimy or lying... they're my friend that I'm usually leeching onto! What IS going on in my head?!

I have had these types of moody episodes before my accident. I recognize that. Usually they would take part when I hadn't slept because I had 4 exams, 2 presentations, 9 club meetings, 3 nights out with my friends, and a weekend full of working for money... and it would come in the form of dropping things. I would always always drop things.... and it would make me mad, like I could control it. The WORST was when my contacts case would drop into the sink... oooh no it didn't!!!

But this is different. I'm angry at people who have good intentions. I'm angry at people who don't even exist. I'm ruminating over situations that stress me out and I just want to scream about them. I'm having an anxiety attack. I just want to shout several phrases that don't make sense and aren't complete sentences...

I don't even care that.... I just wish I could... I wouldn't even know where to... I'm not even... I can't believe.... if I knew this was.... I don't understand why they.... urrrrgh.

The thing that isn't different, is that I'm probably really tired. Instead of coming from an overloaded schedule, much of this is resulting from an overloaded sensory system. The last few days - regretfully I haven't been outside - have been so bright and sunny. Which I love. But it wears me out and overstimulates my eyes even though I'm still inside with the shades drawn. And its from having a constant migraine all week. It's relentless. I think I have good sleep and then I wake up with a migraine... and all the 'restfulness' goes out the window.

I'm ultra annoyed. I want to sleep. I want to stop hating. I know this isn't normal. I am completely aware that I'm just having an anxiety attack and that it could be from where I was stimulated with neurofeedback last week, could be partly due to being stimulated and not being on a mood stabilizer, could be due to legitimate concerns I have but haven't any reason to be thinking about them right now.

I am very aware that the way I am thinking is not the normal way that I think.

I have this feeling that if I just get up and make myself puke that the world will just get better. It's kind of like if you've had too much tequila and you can't sleep... but if you make yourself puke you'll feel better. I haven't had a drink in a long time - nor am I bulimic - but I feel like puking would somehow cleanse my mind/life of the garbage I'm ruminating over. I know it won't - so I never try it... it's just that internal feeling... and it might be hard to understand.

But I still want to tell people to F off. I want to fight and I want to scream and argue. I want to tell people how stupid they are and suggest ways they could be less stupid in the most demeaning ways possible. All to be spiteful and hurtful. And none of this I really, truly would do... even if given the chance. My blood is boiling and I'm short of breath... and this whole entry might make you think I'm a quack... but its so hard to explain the short-temper that seemingly calm and collected people can develop after having a concussion. Its so hard to even imagine a sweet little girl like me RIPPING APART seemingly caring individuals.

And I did this a lot in the first year of my accident. As I tweaked and reacted and screamed and cursed, I was completely sorry I was doing it... but would never admit it or hold back. Its been a while since I've been this heated.... this angry... this 'I want to tear the world into pieces' annoyed... But it happens. It happens to the best of us.

And I'm truly, truly sorry.

So I hope this post... if anything... just provides an insight into how real these mood swings can be... and how patient and accepting the family and caregivers of newly injured (and possibly those through long-term recoveries) might have to be if they see this kind of attitude in their loved one. Its hard enough on them as it is to knowingly be hurting you and yet not having the energy to hack it out and explain every nuance that's traumatizing their life to you. Try to understand that it usually has nothing to do with you... at least deep down at the root of the problem. And hopefully one day it improves and they apologize.


I just want to cry all over the place. Uggggh but if I hear the garbage truck today I'm going to freaking kill someone. Imbeciles! I need a hug :(